The Ice Princess cometh

Cindy McCain . . . the Ice Princess. Dare to look into that laser vision, and you will be flash-frozen and summarily shattered into a billion jagged pieces of crystalline shards.

The Ice Princess' frigid stare will transform the lava from Hawaiian volcanoes into glaciers. This could be good news for the polar bears . . . the one potential positive in a vast ocean of Republican negatives for the environment.

The Ice Princess, shielded from reality by mind-boggling billions of U.S. dollars, shielding the old man too . . . the android former "maverick" who sold his soul to the devil on a convention stage in 2004, and sealed the deal with a kiss. Did he and Bush the Devil lock tongues? Was the Devil's forked tongue plunged down the old man's throat, piercing his ancient larnyx and infecting it with extreme right-wing orthodoxy?

Ask the trophy . . . the silent Ice Princess. She will not tell. She will only stare, her ice-hot laser vision surgically severing your carotid artery.